Tactical Nuclear Penguin

I read in the telegraph that a Scottish brewery, BrewDog, has introduced a stout which is 32% proof. It is matured in whiskey barrels for 14 months, and then subjected to repeated freezing so that the alcohol, which freezes at a different temperature from water, can be isolated, and concentrated.  This is where the 'penguin' comes in. I can't help but feel that this is one breakthrough which Scotland - already the  drunkest nation in Europe - can do without.
I was speaking recently to a chap who has both family and a job north of the border, and he enlightened me regarding Caledonian drinking habits. Their favourite tipple - after the traditional tumbler of whisky, of course - is Buckfast Abbey Tonic wine, itself 15% proof ( and hopped up with huge amounts of caffeine).  The entire bottle is customarily swallowed in one go. This has the same effect on Scottish youths that firewater used to have on Indian braves - it sends them bonkers. It is affectionately known as 'Commotion Lotion' or 'Wreck the Hoose Juice'.
When a Scotsman wishes to sober up after such an alcoholic blitz, he scorns black coffee.  His nostrum of choice- universally believed to cool the head - is Scotland's favourite fizzy drink, Irn Bru.


Perhaps it is time for Scotland to drop the 'c' from its name.